Sunday, July 24, 2011

Dating 7-24-11

Remember that land mine I was talking about? Well, I stepped on it, so it's back to famine again. L and I had a kind of mini-fight in her car after she picked me up for lunch at work Monday and I told her that I didn't really want to see her as often as she wanted to see me. I had been thinking we'd just spend part of every weekend together, and she was apparently thinking we'd be seeing each other many weeknights as well. She apologized for being mean later, and then the next email was the dreaded "Do you just want to be friends?" I thought she had given it some thought, and of course I knew I had, so I answered yes, and now I don't have a girl friend again. I'm not very upset about it, and I wasn't upset about the thing she apologized for either. One should be honest about feelings, right?

We're still exchanging emails and we met at Calypso's this weekend for dinner. We talked about our next dating opportunities and plans.... She's on Match and Cupid, and of course I'm only on Cupid. I have a Match profile, but it's hidden. I haven't bothered to hide my Cupid account because I get so few contacts. Of course, that was before L, so maybe I'll have to revise that opinion? I had always thought that the "serious" people were all on the pay sites like Match. Apparently not.

I wish her well in her search, and I plan to help her if she asks me for advice or whatever. Not that I expect her to ask me for anything, but who knows?

One thing I did notice was that she was less willing to compromise on her beliefs and plans at Calypso than she had been before the "let's be friends" email. No surprise, right? Another thing was that we had been talking about going to the Star Trek convention next weekend, but now that's not going to happen. She had apparently thought it was something I wanted and I had thought it was something SHE wanted... So, anyway, that was either a communications breakdown or some other problem right there.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Dating 7-12-11

Well, this is neither feast nor famine. This is success.... I didn't expect it, and I wasn't ready for it. I've had 4 or 5 dates with L [or the one with the bug] and I expect our first two day date this weekend. So far, all the dates have been on either Friday or Saturday, and they're usually more than 4 hours. I think one of them was 10 hours, but I'm not sure.

We always have plenty of things to talk about, and we have a great many things in common. That kind of worries me in that I can't quite convince myself that she's not merely telling me what I want to hear. It's an easy thing to do, and I do it with some people [ex: bosses and supervisors]. As for what I'm telling her, I'm trying to be as open and honest as possible in the hopes that I'll cover everything and therefore avoid [or trigger] any landmines.

I figure if I'm going to trigger a landmine eventually anyway, I want to do it as soon as possible and get it out of the way before anyone gets their feelings hurt too much. That's something I learned from the previous relationship. I don't like to hurt people's feelings, but more honest seems to go hand in hand with more hurt feelings. It's a direct relationship.

One thing we don't seem to have in common is that I would rather take things slow in our relationship, and she seems to want to go faster. This reminds me of the way I thought when I was in my late teens and twenties, but now I'm much more interested in consequences, and therefore much more careful.

I wish I could just be honest about my concerns and somewhat uncertain feelings. Actually, I tried that with L last night on the phone, and I may have caused more trouble than I wanted. I admitted that traveling is not something I really like, and that I don't travel unless I'm with someone. I went to England with my ex and to Barcelona with N right before THAT breakup. I dated N before starting this blog, so I don't think I've mentioned her before.

I'm also still emailing D [golf ball], but less often lately. We only met the one time and I'm thinking we're running out of things to talk about.