I saw a woman I liked today in an elevator at the West End Borders. It's going out of business, and so everything is 40% off. I went down there to see what might be left, and pick up a book by one of the authors I'm not very familiar with... Anyway, so I have a book and walk down the hallway before I get in the elevator to go to my car in the garage. As I'm walking, there is a woman about my age in front of me with a bag. She opens the door for me, just being polite, and I'm wondering if she's getting on the elevator as well. She does, but I'm getting off on 2 and her car's on 1. I make an offhand comment about her bag, and she says she tries not to visit bookstores because she tendst to buy too much. I hoped I could continue the conversation, but I had already hit 2 and so I got off. She started to get off with me, but I looked at her and she realized it wasn't her floor and got back on.
In the movies, we would run into each other again later, and we would eventually [after some misunderstandings] find out that we were perfect for each other. I wish it was that easy....
This kind of random encounter seems to be the only alternative to things like on-line dating sites. I didn't really expect to continue the encounter, and was only interested enough to continue the conversation after she made that comment about books. At that point, it was too late for me to do anything. I never know when that sort of thing will happen and I'm never ready when it does. That's another advantage of the on-line thing. I'm always ready when I log in. I have no idea if the elevator woman is/was married, but I do know the ones on the computer aren't supposed to be married at least. Was she looking for a man? Again, no clue.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Dating April 15
Well, it's famine again. I'm hoping that Chattanooga will get back in touch after our date last weekend, but I'm beginning to doubt it. I'm exchanging emails with a few women on eHarmony, but I'm not very eager about either one. There are some fundamental concerns with each one. One wants someone exciting and committed to marriage and family life. I'm not much of a thrill seeker and not sure if marriage is what I want out of dating right now. Another one is too eager to meet after only exchanging one or two emails and not having much in common. The other one... I forget what the thing is with that one.
On the plus side, I've been reading some informative news stories about on-line dating on CNN. That was something of a surprise. I think the current story is about long distance love and they don't just mean living in different cities in the same state. One couple lives across the country and another couple lives in different hemispheres. I've done the long distance thing in the past, and it's great for awhile. There is a kind of excitement to dates knowing that you can't be together very long and won't be seeing each other again for a week or more. I thought that would be enough, but I found myself annoyed that she wouldn't talk to me about long term issues. Now I wonder what I was thinking? I guess I thought she would move here? She probably didn't want a committment and may have thought I felt the same way.
Another news story discussed some of the etiquette [did I spell that right?] and got into things like why people will email for awhile and then disappear and the reasons for disappearing. Nobody wants conflict, so there is no point in telling someone what's wrong, especially if you're just as likely to find someone else online that is just as [or more] interesting. Some things to avoid: too clingy, too much detail too soon, or requests for financial information. I've never seen the financial thing.... I thought I would by now, but I haven't.
I told one of my dates that I hated the disappearing thing, and wished that the women I was emailing would tell me when the relationship [or whatever it's called at the "we've exchanged some emails" stage] is over. She said something like "you men and your need to always have a resolution!" Well, yes, I would like resolution. Sort of like I would have preferred that Chattanooga not say she might call me later in the week or this weekend and just tell me if she was no longer interested. Maybe we could just be friends... That's how I met my ex, after all. Friend of a friend.
I'm thinking about expanding my distance parameters on the website. I haven't done that in the past because I don't really want to get too interested in someone 600 miles away again. Even meeting halfway was a serious pain! On the other hand, I'll know going in what I'm doing and maybe I won't get too involved. The problem with that is that if I'm honest with myself, I am looking for "the one." Not for marriage, but for the next best thing, which to me is a kind of life where we can get married or not. My marriage was like that, and we got married eventually because she wanted to.
I suppose marriage is not very important to me. I mean, you're committed to that person, or you're not, and a piece of paper and an agreement in front of the shaman or magistrate doesn't change that. My parents were divorced and remarried when I was 14 and 24 [?]. They got married again to other people when I was 18 or so and then divorced again before I was 24. My ex's parents were divorced when she was 6 and didn't get remarried.
On the plus side, I've been reading some informative news stories about on-line dating on CNN. That was something of a surprise. I think the current story is about long distance love and they don't just mean living in different cities in the same state. One couple lives across the country and another couple lives in different hemispheres. I've done the long distance thing in the past, and it's great for awhile. There is a kind of excitement to dates knowing that you can't be together very long and won't be seeing each other again for a week or more. I thought that would be enough, but I found myself annoyed that she wouldn't talk to me about long term issues. Now I wonder what I was thinking? I guess I thought she would move here? She probably didn't want a committment and may have thought I felt the same way.
Another news story discussed some of the etiquette [did I spell that right?] and got into things like why people will email for awhile and then disappear and the reasons for disappearing. Nobody wants conflict, so there is no point in telling someone what's wrong, especially if you're just as likely to find someone else online that is just as [or more] interesting. Some things to avoid: too clingy, too much detail too soon, or requests for financial information. I've never seen the financial thing.... I thought I would by now, but I haven't.
I told one of my dates that I hated the disappearing thing, and wished that the women I was emailing would tell me when the relationship [or whatever it's called at the "we've exchanged some emails" stage] is over. She said something like "you men and your need to always have a resolution!" Well, yes, I would like resolution. Sort of like I would have preferred that Chattanooga not say she might call me later in the week or this weekend and just tell me if she was no longer interested. Maybe we could just be friends... That's how I met my ex, after all. Friend of a friend.
I'm thinking about expanding my distance parameters on the website. I haven't done that in the past because I don't really want to get too interested in someone 600 miles away again. Even meeting halfway was a serious pain! On the other hand, I'll know going in what I'm doing and maybe I won't get too involved. The problem with that is that if I'm honest with myself, I am looking for "the one." Not for marriage, but for the next best thing, which to me is a kind of life where we can get married or not. My marriage was like that, and we got married eventually because she wanted to.
I suppose marriage is not very important to me. I mean, you're committed to that person, or you're not, and a piece of paper and an agreement in front of the shaman or magistrate doesn't change that. My parents were divorced and remarried when I was 14 and 24 [?]. They got married again to other people when I was 18 or so and then divorced again before I was 24. My ex's parents were divorced when she was 6 and didn't get remarried.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Dating 4-2-11
And now there's one less. I hadn't heard from her in a few days so expected her to do the disappearing act thing they do when they've found someone else, but this one actually let me know what happened. That's courtesy, that is, and I do appreciate it. I do this sort of thing too, but it's usually not me that does the breaking up, so I don't get a chance to do it much! :-)
Her email didn't just say "I found someone else." She also continued a conversation we'd been having about daily stuff, so I did the same in my reply. Maybe we'll keep emailing as friends? Some do. We had had only one date, and exchanged 20-30 emails. She was my... 24th first date since my divorce. I think 24... Anyway, #22 told me that I was her #30, so I counted back at that point and then started counting after as well. Yes, this is the same one I gave golf balls to. Romance is not, obviously, a sure fire way to win her over.
I kind of have the impression that she was looking for someone richer [or anyway, deeper in credit card debt], but that's just a guess and not based on her saying something like "your car is older than I expected" or similar. :-) I kind of wish they would say things like that. It would make end game negotiations easier.
Well, it's back to eHarmony and I've still got one from the last "batch" that is in occasional contact. I'm supposed to meet her next Sunday and I really prefer her to golf ball anyway. Not sure why... Maybe I saw signs of golf pulling back [emotionally] and I've been waiting for the hammer to fall? About the batches: I tend to contact five at a time. I never know how many will respond and then I don't know how many will get to the first date level. For obvious reasons, I don't sent out the "we're not dating" email to any other women I'm talking to just because I had a first date with someone else. That's more of a second or third date thing.
In other news, I'm also having lawnmower problems. It was running rough, and now it's not running at all. Looking back, I think the first problem was a bad spark plug, but the engine died in the process of me trying to let the engine burn out the bad gas [that's what I THOUGHT the first problem was] and then me cleaning out the air filter [second proposed solution] and restarting. So, then I broke the cord trying to restart it again. Yeah, I know, that seems very difficult, but that's what I thought. It got caught in something. I was in a hurry and so I yanked it anyway.... so now I replaced the cord, spark plug, and air filter; and re-attached that stupid rewinder spring. The spring is the current holdup... maybe I can just buy a spring housing that's already put together? If I can't do that or fix it myself, there are several small engine repair places around that might not charge me TOO much. We'll see...
Her email didn't just say "I found someone else." She also continued a conversation we'd been having about daily stuff, so I did the same in my reply. Maybe we'll keep emailing as friends? Some do. We had had only one date, and exchanged 20-30 emails. She was my... 24th first date since my divorce. I think 24... Anyway, #22 told me that I was her #30, so I counted back at that point and then started counting after as well. Yes, this is the same one I gave golf balls to. Romance is not, obviously, a sure fire way to win her over.
I kind of have the impression that she was looking for someone richer [or anyway, deeper in credit card debt], but that's just a guess and not based on her saying something like "your car is older than I expected" or similar. :-) I kind of wish they would say things like that. It would make end game negotiations easier.
Well, it's back to eHarmony and I've still got one from the last "batch" that is in occasional contact. I'm supposed to meet her next Sunday and I really prefer her to golf ball anyway. Not sure why... Maybe I saw signs of golf pulling back [emotionally] and I've been waiting for the hammer to fall? About the batches: I tend to contact five at a time. I never know how many will respond and then I don't know how many will get to the first date level. For obvious reasons, I don't sent out the "we're not dating" email to any other women I'm talking to just because I had a first date with someone else. That's more of a second or third date thing.
In other news, I'm also having lawnmower problems. It was running rough, and now it's not running at all. Looking back, I think the first problem was a bad spark plug, but the engine died in the process of me trying to let the engine burn out the bad gas [that's what I THOUGHT the first problem was] and then me cleaning out the air filter [second proposed solution] and restarting. So, then I broke the cord trying to restart it again. Yeah, I know, that seems very difficult, but that's what I thought. It got caught in something. I was in a hurry and so I yanked it anyway.... so now I replaced the cord, spark plug, and air filter; and re-attached that stupid rewinder spring. The spring is the current holdup... maybe I can just buy a spring housing that's already put together? If I can't do that or fix it myself, there are several small engine repair places around that might not charge me TOO much. We'll see...
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Dating 3-26-11
I had date number... 24, I think, since the divorce. It went well, and I hope for another at some point. Met her through eHarmony. Outback and "Limitless." Main problem is that she lives out of state. I did the sport jacket thing and bought her some golf balls at the local sporting goods store. I think that sort of thing works much better than roses. I mean, anyone can buy a flower [and yellow is probably better on the first date], but the golf balls were part of a conversation she and I had a week or two ago. I was complaining about not being able to hit the things and she had said the dimples were cute. So, golf balls on the first date and DON'T go into the aerodynamic reasons for those same dimples! She doesn't want to know about hard and soft air pockets and how projectiles should spin if they're going to be stable in flight for any distance longer than a few yards! I wanted to talk about spin, but I refrained. I was careful to tip well and, since there is no way I know to be sneaky about paying the bill with cash, I just counted out the change and acted like it was normal [which, of course, it was].
A note about "Limitless." It's a feel good movie. I'm not saying the human interaction portions were entirely unrealistic, but I am saying the producers probably test marketed this thing to get that ending. If you've seen the previews, then you know he's a junkie, and that point is driven home repeatedly, until they have the ending. It reminded me somewhat of pretty woman with that change of ending. You know they were supposed to fight at the end over her drug habit until the producers realized they wouldn't make much money that way.
A note about "Limitless." It's a feel good movie. I'm not saying the human interaction portions were entirely unrealistic, but I am saying the producers probably test marketed this thing to get that ending. If you've seen the previews, then you know he's a junkie, and that point is driven home repeatedly, until they have the ending. It reminded me somewhat of pretty woman with that change of ending. You know they were supposed to fight at the end over her drug habit until the producers realized they wouldn't make much money that way.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Dating 3-5-11 and class work
I'm still doing the online dating thing and it's still going well. I think I'm down to only two women I'm emailing now rather than the five I had. I'm debating getting some more so I'll have more "depth" in my selections when they start disappearing, but I like being able to concentrate on one or two. I spend about an hour a night on this as it is, what with researching, writing the email [or emails], and then revising to make it sound better or at least more like a kind of idealized "me."
I think I know how to describe myself on those dating websites. I learned through trial and error, and I took lack of responses as negative feedback because I certainly never got any kind of logical critique. I think I would have liked to have had the women reply with comments like "I was not impressed enough by your self description. Good luck in your search." If anything, I usually got "Good luck in your search." Not helpful. So anyway, some general rules about writing the profile: 1) never admit anything bad. I think the idea here is that everything you write will be exaggerate one way or the other, so anything bad must, logically, be REALLY bad or it wouldn't even be on the profile. 2) always think of every possible way something can be misinterpreted. I think I mentioned the aspergers thing in another post? I least I got some feedback with that one 3) try to take a picture of yourself with your car [unless it's like mine and just a Corrolla]. Is this some sort of hint that I'm a good provider? I could just rent a sportscar for the day and get my picture taken next to it. I don't use thing one. 4) Birds of a feather flock together. That usually means people that like motorcycles and/or tattoos, religion, their children's sports, or something similar. I don't belong to one of those, so I break that rule as well.
Hmmm. The rules could use some work and further refining..... Most times I know what the rule is, but I don't know how to explain it unless it's in context. It's sort of like she said she likes blue, so I know that means something like she wants to take a trip to Spain based on this and some other clues I saw. That's what I mean by context. She won't say Spain, of course, and that's what makes this so difficult.
I thought about trying to get a date with a woman from class last week. We had spoken previously on the way to the cars after the previous class. Well, she spoke and I listened. That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Anyway, that day I just didn't care as much about long term dating strategy and so I didn't try very hard to get her attention after class and she wasn't trying very hard either. I'd like them to pursue me, and I suppose that could be what she was thinking. Or maybe she was just thinking about what she had said during the class: "This course is killing my GPA." I was surprised by that. I don't worry about my GPA because I'm not trying for a degree [I have one already], but many of the other students complain about how hard it is to learn a new language. To be honest, I was concentrating more on learning that day rather than dating, so maybe I should have joined in the gripe session instead of feeling like they were just being whiney the way I am now. No class next week becuase of the Spring Break thing, there's a test the next week, and the last day to drop is about then, so the class may get smaller....
I think I know how to describe myself on those dating websites. I learned through trial and error, and I took lack of responses as negative feedback because I certainly never got any kind of logical critique. I think I would have liked to have had the women reply with comments like "I was not impressed enough by your self description. Good luck in your search." If anything, I usually got "Good luck in your search." Not helpful. So anyway, some general rules about writing the profile: 1) never admit anything bad. I think the idea here is that everything you write will be exaggerate one way or the other, so anything bad must, logically, be REALLY bad or it wouldn't even be on the profile. 2) always think of every possible way something can be misinterpreted. I think I mentioned the aspergers thing in another post? I least I got some feedback with that one 3) try to take a picture of yourself with your car [unless it's like mine and just a Corrolla]. Is this some sort of hint that I'm a good provider? I could just rent a sportscar for the day and get my picture taken next to it. I don't use thing one. 4) Birds of a feather flock together. That usually means people that like motorcycles and/or tattoos, religion, their children's sports, or something similar. I don't belong to one of those, so I break that rule as well.
Hmmm. The rules could use some work and further refining..... Most times I know what the rule is, but I don't know how to explain it unless it's in context. It's sort of like she said she likes blue, so I know that means something like she wants to take a trip to Spain based on this and some other clues I saw. That's what I mean by context. She won't say Spain, of course, and that's what makes this so difficult.
I thought about trying to get a date with a woman from class last week. We had spoken previously on the way to the cars after the previous class. Well, she spoke and I listened. That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Anyway, that day I just didn't care as much about long term dating strategy and so I didn't try very hard to get her attention after class and she wasn't trying very hard either. I'd like them to pursue me, and I suppose that could be what she was thinking. Or maybe she was just thinking about what she had said during the class: "This course is killing my GPA." I was surprised by that. I don't worry about my GPA because I'm not trying for a degree [I have one already], but many of the other students complain about how hard it is to learn a new language. To be honest, I was concentrating more on learning that day rather than dating, so maybe I should have joined in the gripe session instead of feeling like they were just being whiney the way I am now. No class next week becuase of the Spring Break thing, there's a test the next week, and the last day to drop is about then, so the class may get smaller....
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Dating 2-26-11
And now it's going better. I'm trading emails with 4 or 5 women, and a couple of them are people I'd actually like to meet. I really never know what to expect with these things.... I was prepared to dig in and do the long term thing by only emailing one woman at a time and only the one that I was really interested in instead of my previous method of emailing several that I wasn't as interested in. By "interested in" I mean, interested in her profile, not necessarily the actual person. You can't really see the real person intially, so even the ones I'm not interested in can become interesting as I learn more about them. Some don't, of course, but I never like to sever a potential connection. Who knows? Maybe she has a hidden interest just like one of mine and never mentioned it because it didn't seem very important? Sometimes I have day dreams about that kind of thing happening. This can be somewhat relaxing.
I'm still working on my alternate dating route by going to class. I'm not sure if this is going to work, but I think I'm making progress. The girl I'm interested in [and sits close enough to talk to more than merely during break] seems to be interested in me now and we actually had our first conversation after class last Tuesday. I think I've had half a dozen or so classes, and one test so far. She's a nursing student, but does not feel like she's doing well enough in class compared to her other classes. I hadn't really thought about what her major [or the major of any other woman in the class] might be. I had thought the class I'm taking was a mistake in the sense that it's officially not acceptable as a Humanities credit [according to the syllibus]. Unofficially, it's apparently just fine as an elective according to some of the students that are apparently using it as just that [with the apparent approval of whatever advisors they may have]. Based on the syllibus thing, I had expected to need to take a more advanced version of this class to meet the sort of ambitious [that is, degree seeking] women that I thought I was looking for here.
At this point, I realize that I'm not really looking for ambitious. I'm just looking for a single woman at my aproximate level [maybe 7 out of 10?] for dating. Well, it's not that simple because there are some deal breakers that I won't be able to find out until later, but it's close.
Still no luck in the gardening thing. There's only one woman there that I'm interested in, but she made it clear in the past that she has zero interest in me. We're talking more now that we did before, but that's about all. I think this is my third year volunteering so far. Maybe she just thought I was some sort of "newbee" before and that I would not be around long enough to take seriously? Who knows....
I'm still working on my alternate dating route by going to class. I'm not sure if this is going to work, but I think I'm making progress. The girl I'm interested in [and sits close enough to talk to more than merely during break] seems to be interested in me now and we actually had our first conversation after class last Tuesday. I think I've had half a dozen or so classes, and one test so far. She's a nursing student, but does not feel like she's doing well enough in class compared to her other classes. I hadn't really thought about what her major [or the major of any other woman in the class] might be. I had thought the class I'm taking was a mistake in the sense that it's officially not acceptable as a Humanities credit [according to the syllibus]. Unofficially, it's apparently just fine as an elective according to some of the students that are apparently using it as just that [with the apparent approval of whatever advisors they may have]. Based on the syllibus thing, I had expected to need to take a more advanced version of this class to meet the sort of ambitious [that is, degree seeking] women that I thought I was looking for here.
At this point, I realize that I'm not really looking for ambitious. I'm just looking for a single woman at my aproximate level [maybe 7 out of 10?] for dating. Well, it's not that simple because there are some deal breakers that I won't be able to find out until later, but it's close.
Still no luck in the gardening thing. There's only one woman there that I'm interested in, but she made it clear in the past that she has zero interest in me. We're talking more now that we did before, but that's about all. I think this is my third year volunteering so far. Maybe she just thought I was some sort of "newbee" before and that I would not be around long enough to take seriously? Who knows....
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Dating 2-19-11
I'm thinking I should just enter new posts on this subject rather than my original plan of going back to the original and editing it over and over as needed. I know I'd need to edit several times.
This was so clear earlier today when I thought about doing it.... Anyway, I have more or less given up on the "direct" approach of actually proposing a date face to face. It's too risky to approach a stranger [based on appearance alone] or an associate [that is, that stage between stranger and friend], and I don't have any female friends that aren't either married or not interested in me for some other reason. I'd FAR rather date a friend. That could actually be fun rather than the normal blank look and then the sort of "how do I get out of this?" look I've gotten every time I've ever tried the direct approach before. Where would I approach a stranger? If it's some place I'm more comfortable, I risk them complaining to the management and me losing a place I actually like for NO gain. If it's a new place, I'm less comfortable, and even less likely to sound properly confident and not arrogant. Anyway, previous attempts have been failures, research indicates that this is a likely outcome in any case, and a viable alternative does exist.
One of those "previous attempts" is a woman in my gardening volunteer group. See? I'm taking all the steps for being more social: volunteering, asking for advice from friends at work, and even going back to school. Anyway, I asked that woman at the group. She said she'd get back to me....and then didn't get back to me. I should have realized what that meant, but I really was interested in her, so I asked her. She got that look and then I knew, but it was too late to pretend I wasn't interested. You can't bail out. You have to ride it down in flames because any attempt to bail looks even worse. Or anyway, I think it does.
So, I do the computer dating thing. I know more about the prospect going in, and not just what she looks like. She's obviously willing to date, opposed to the total unknown with approaching strangers or the near unknown with associates. She's probably looking for someone slightly "higher" up the traditional 1-10 number scale than she is [aren't we all looking for someone better?], and so I should confine my search to women slightly with a slightly lower number than I have.
I know what sort of "look" I want. I'd rather see a woman in her work clothes, or whatever she would be wearing if the encounter wasn't a date. It's more intimate. I feel like being dressed up is a mask, and I'm honored when I don't have to try and look past it. Not wearing the mask is a clear sign of trust, and I truly value that. It's one of the things that impressed me about my [now ex] wife. She wore "normal" clothes on the second date. I was flattered.
Current progress: 22 or 23 dates. 1 six month relationship. Hundreds of profiles read. Most of those 23 are after that six month thing, and most were from Match.com. I'm on eHarmony instead now, and I have resolved to only be on one paid site at a time and to only accept a few "matches" [or whatever Harm calls them] at a time to avoid super saturation. I find that I really have no way other way to limit the contacts to a level where I can easily keep track. I would prefer to just accept 3 or 4 at a time, and weed them out [or they weed me out] and I would replace them from the pool of candidates, but it doesn't work that way. For one thing, some don't bother to reply one way or the other. For another, they all reply at different rates, so some of the ones that I think aren't going to reply are merely going to reply when I'm already communicating with 3-4 other prospects. It's no where near as efficient as I'd like.
I have finally more or less settled on my own profile wording after making it more specific as I got more replies and then less as I got less replies. Odd that it happens that way. The more I say what I'm actually like and what I actually want, the less replies I get. One less from that experiment: never admit to any faults. I'm not sure why that is... maybe because all the women just assume part of the profile will be lies and if I'm talking about faults then I must be REALLY screwed up? I don't know. I've heard that soldiers have to look like young Napolean's on their efficiency reports just to have any chance of promotion. Is that for the same reason? There are many parallels between getting promoted and getting a date.
However, I wish it wasn't like that. I wish it was like the movies or TV.... Every homely woman is actually a swan in disguise, and only the jerk males are going to be dateless by the end of the story. You can be yourself without fear of being ostracised. You've seen those things.
Hmm. THis is too long... I should probably try and pare it down....
This was so clear earlier today when I thought about doing it.... Anyway, I have more or less given up on the "direct" approach of actually proposing a date face to face. It's too risky to approach a stranger [based on appearance alone] or an associate [that is, that stage between stranger and friend], and I don't have any female friends that aren't either married or not interested in me for some other reason. I'd FAR rather date a friend. That could actually be fun rather than the normal blank look and then the sort of "how do I get out of this?" look I've gotten every time I've ever tried the direct approach before. Where would I approach a stranger? If it's some place I'm more comfortable, I risk them complaining to the management and me losing a place I actually like for NO gain. If it's a new place, I'm less comfortable, and even less likely to sound properly confident and not arrogant. Anyway, previous attempts have been failures, research indicates that this is a likely outcome in any case, and a viable alternative does exist.
One of those "previous attempts" is a woman in my gardening volunteer group. See? I'm taking all the steps for being more social: volunteering, asking for advice from friends at work, and even going back to school. Anyway, I asked that woman at the group. She said she'd get back to me....and then didn't get back to me. I should have realized what that meant, but I really was interested in her, so I asked her. She got that look and then I knew, but it was too late to pretend I wasn't interested. You can't bail out. You have to ride it down in flames because any attempt to bail looks even worse. Or anyway, I think it does.
So, I do the computer dating thing. I know more about the prospect going in, and not just what she looks like. She's obviously willing to date, opposed to the total unknown with approaching strangers or the near unknown with associates. She's probably looking for someone slightly "higher" up the traditional 1-10 number scale than she is [aren't we all looking for someone better?], and so I should confine my search to women slightly with a slightly lower number than I have.
I know what sort of "look" I want. I'd rather see a woman in her work clothes, or whatever she would be wearing if the encounter wasn't a date. It's more intimate. I feel like being dressed up is a mask, and I'm honored when I don't have to try and look past it. Not wearing the mask is a clear sign of trust, and I truly value that. It's one of the things that impressed me about my [now ex] wife. She wore "normal" clothes on the second date. I was flattered.
Current progress: 22 or 23 dates. 1 six month relationship. Hundreds of profiles read. Most of those 23 are after that six month thing, and most were from Match.com. I'm on eHarmony instead now, and I have resolved to only be on one paid site at a time and to only accept a few "matches" [or whatever Harm calls them] at a time to avoid super saturation. I find that I really have no way other way to limit the contacts to a level where I can easily keep track. I would prefer to just accept 3 or 4 at a time, and weed them out [or they weed me out] and I would replace them from the pool of candidates, but it doesn't work that way. For one thing, some don't bother to reply one way or the other. For another, they all reply at different rates, so some of the ones that I think aren't going to reply are merely going to reply when I'm already communicating with 3-4 other prospects. It's no where near as efficient as I'd like.
I have finally more or less settled on my own profile wording after making it more specific as I got more replies and then less as I got less replies. Odd that it happens that way. The more I say what I'm actually like and what I actually want, the less replies I get. One less from that experiment: never admit to any faults. I'm not sure why that is... maybe because all the women just assume part of the profile will be lies and if I'm talking about faults then I must be REALLY screwed up? I don't know. I've heard that soldiers have to look like young Napolean's on their efficiency reports just to have any chance of promotion. Is that for the same reason? There are many parallels between getting promoted and getting a date.
However, I wish it wasn't like that. I wish it was like the movies or TV.... Every homely woman is actually a swan in disguise, and only the jerk males are going to be dateless by the end of the story. You can be yourself without fear of being ostracised. You've seen those things.
Hmm. THis is too long... I should probably try and pare it down....
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