Saturday, April 16, 2011

Dating April 15

Well, it's famine again. I'm hoping that Chattanooga will get back in touch after our date last weekend, but I'm beginning to doubt it. I'm exchanging emails with a few women on eHarmony, but I'm not very eager about either one. There are some fundamental concerns with each one. One wants someone exciting and committed to marriage and family life. I'm not much of a thrill seeker and not sure if marriage is what I want out of dating right now. Another one is too eager to meet after only exchanging one or two emails and not having much in common. The other one... I forget what the thing is with that one.

On the plus side, I've been reading some informative news stories about on-line dating on CNN. That was something of a surprise. I think the current story is about long distance love and they don't just mean living in different cities in the same state. One couple lives across the country and another couple lives in different hemispheres. I've done the long distance thing in the past, and it's great for awhile. There is a kind of excitement to dates knowing that you can't be together very long and won't be seeing each other again for a week or more. I thought that would be enough, but I found myself annoyed that she wouldn't talk to me about long term issues. Now I wonder what I was thinking? I guess I thought she would move here? She probably didn't want a committment and may have thought I felt the same way.

Another news story discussed some of the etiquette [did I spell that right?] and got into things like why people will email for awhile and then disappear and the reasons for disappearing. Nobody wants conflict, so there is no point in telling someone what's wrong, especially if you're just as likely to find someone else online that is just as [or more] interesting. Some things to avoid: too clingy, too much detail too soon, or requests for financial information. I've never seen the financial thing.... I thought I would by now, but I haven't.

I told one of my dates that I hated the disappearing thing, and wished that the women I was emailing would tell me when the relationship [or whatever it's called at the "we've exchanged some emails" stage] is over. She said something like "you men and your need to always have a resolution!" Well, yes, I would like resolution. Sort of like I would have preferred that Chattanooga not say she might call me later in the week or this weekend and just tell me if she was no longer interested. Maybe we could just be friends... That's how I met my ex, after all. Friend of a friend.

I'm thinking about expanding my distance parameters on the website. I haven't done that in the past because I don't really want to get too interested in someone 600 miles away again. Even meeting halfway was a serious pain! On the other hand, I'll know going in what I'm doing and maybe I won't get too involved. The problem with that is that if I'm honest with myself, I am looking for "the one." Not for marriage, but for the next best thing, which to me is a kind of life where we can get married or not. My marriage was like that, and we got married eventually because she wanted to.

I suppose marriage is not very important to me. I mean, you're committed to that person, or you're not, and a piece of paper and an agreement in front of the shaman or magistrate doesn't change that. My parents were divorced and remarried when I was 14 and 24 [?]. They got married again to other people when I was 18 or so and then divorced again before I was 24. My ex's parents were divorced when she was 6 and didn't get remarried.

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