Saturday, February 26, 2011

Dating 2-26-11

And now it's going better. I'm trading emails with 4 or 5 women, and a couple of them are people I'd actually like to meet. I really never know what to expect with these things.... I was prepared to dig in and do the long term thing by only emailing one woman at a time and only the one that I was really interested in instead of my previous method of emailing several that I wasn't as interested in. By "interested in" I mean, interested in her profile, not necessarily the actual person. You can't really see the real person intially, so even the ones I'm not interested in can become interesting as I learn more about them. Some don't, of course, but I never like to sever a potential connection. Who knows? Maybe she has a hidden interest just like one of mine and never mentioned it because it didn't seem very important? Sometimes I have day dreams about that kind of thing happening. This can be somewhat relaxing.

I'm still working on my alternate dating route by going to class. I'm not sure if this is going to work, but I think I'm making progress. The girl I'm interested in [and sits close enough to talk to more than merely during break] seems to be interested in me now and we actually had our first conversation after class last Tuesday. I think I've had half a dozen or so classes, and one test so far. She's a nursing student, but does not feel like she's doing well enough in class compared to her other classes. I hadn't really thought about what her major  [or the major of any other woman in the class] might be. I had thought the class I'm taking was a mistake in the sense that it's officially not acceptable as a Humanities credit [according to the syllibus]. Unofficially, it's apparently just fine as an elective according to some of the students that are apparently using it as just that [with the apparent approval of whatever advisors they may have]. Based on the syllibus thing, I had expected to need to take a more advanced version of this class to meet the sort of ambitious [that is, degree seeking] women that I thought I was looking for here.

At this point, I realize that I'm not really looking for ambitious. I'm just looking for a single woman at my aproximate level [maybe 7 out of 10?] for dating. Well, it's not that simple because there are some deal breakers that I won't be able to find out until later, but it's close.

Still no luck in the gardening thing. There's only one woman there that I'm interested in, but she made it clear in the past that she has zero interest in me. We're talking more now that we did before, but that's about all. I think this is my third year volunteering so far. Maybe she just thought I was some sort of "newbee" before and that I would not be around long enough to take seriously? Who knows....

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dating 2-19-11

I'm thinking I should just enter new posts on this subject rather than my original plan of going back to the original and editing it over and over as needed. I know I'd need to edit several times.

This was so clear earlier today when I thought about doing it.... Anyway, I have more or less given up on the "direct" approach of actually proposing a date face to face. It's too risky to approach a stranger [based on appearance alone] or an associate [that is, that stage between stranger and friend], and I don't have any female friends that aren't either married or not interested in me for some other reason. I'd FAR rather date a friend. That could actually be fun rather than the normal blank look and then the sort of "how do I get out of this?" look I've gotten every time I've ever tried the direct approach before. Where would I approach a stranger? If it's some place I'm more comfortable, I risk them complaining to the management and me losing a place I actually like for NO gain. If it's a new place, I'm less comfortable, and even less likely to sound properly confident and not arrogant. Anyway, previous attempts have been failures, research indicates that this is a likely outcome in any case, and a viable alternative does exist.

One of those "previous attempts" is a woman in my gardening volunteer group. See? I'm taking all the steps for being more social: volunteering, asking for advice from friends at work, and even going back to school. Anyway, I asked that woman at the group. She said she'd get back to me....and then didn't get back to me. I should have realized what that meant, but I really was interested in her, so I asked her. She got that look and then I knew, but it was too late to pretend I wasn't interested. You can't bail out. You have to ride it down in flames because any attempt to bail looks even worse. Or anyway, I think it does.

So, I do the computer dating thing. I know more about the prospect going in, and not just what she looks like. She's obviously willing to date, opposed to the total unknown with approaching strangers or the near unknown with associates. She's probably looking for someone slightly "higher" up the traditional 1-10 number scale than she is [aren't we all looking for someone better?], and so I should confine my search to women slightly with a slightly lower number than I have.

I know what sort of "look" I want. I'd rather see a woman in her work clothes, or whatever she would be wearing if the encounter wasn't a date. It's more intimate. I feel like being dressed up is a mask, and I'm honored when I don't have to try and look past it. Not wearing the mask is a clear sign of trust, and I truly value that. It's one of the things that impressed me about my [now ex] wife. She wore "normal" clothes on the second date. I was flattered.

Current progress: 22 or 23 dates. 1 six month relationship. Hundreds of profiles read. Most of those 23 are after that six month thing, and most were from I'm on eHarmony instead now, and I have resolved to only be on one paid site at a time and to only accept a few "matches" [or whatever Harm calls them] at a time to avoid super saturation. I find that I really have no way other way to limit the contacts to a level where I can easily keep track. I would prefer to just accept 3 or 4 at a time, and weed them out [or they weed me out] and I would replace them from the pool of candidates, but it doesn't work that way. For one thing, some don't bother to reply one way or the other. For another, they all reply at different rates, so some of the ones that I think aren't going to reply are merely going to reply when I'm already communicating with 3-4 other prospects. It's no where near as efficient as I'd like.

I have finally more or less settled on my own profile wording after making it more specific as I got more replies and then less as I got less replies. Odd that it happens that way. The more I say what I'm actually like and what I actually want, the less replies I get. One less from that experiment: never admit to any faults. I'm not sure why that is... maybe because all the women just assume part of the profile will be lies and if I'm talking about faults then I must be REALLY screwed up? I don't know. I've heard that soldiers have to look like young Napolean's on their efficiency reports just to have any chance of promotion. Is that for the same reason? There are many parallels between getting promoted and getting a date.

However, I wish it wasn't like that. I wish it was like the movies or TV.... Every homely woman is actually a swan in disguise, and only the jerk males are going to be dateless by the end of the story. You can be yourself without fear of being ostracised. You've seen those things.

Hmm. THis is too long... I should probably try and pare it down....   

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


What can I say about this? It's not the dream job, but it pays the bills and it's not TOO taxing. This was the kind of life I wanted after I realized my previous dream [to be a soldier] was not what I thought it was. I mean, what could be better than having my own cubicle with my own name on it? Really, that's why I went to college. To get something like this.

Today was pretty good work wise because I made some progress on a couple of my sites, but not coworker wise. I guess that's a normal state of affairs... I always wish my coworkers would behave the way I want and I'm sure they wish the same about me. Some of them probably have no idea why I don't do what they expect, but then, I don't see expectations the same way as some do. Today I was expected to attend a bridal "shower" [why is it called a shower when there is no water? Is it because we shower the guest of honor with gifts?], but I didn't go becuase I was told I had to give more money than I wanted to give. The amount of money would not have been any kind of hardship. It was just that I wanted to exercise my choice to either pay or not, and, because I did not pay, I did not go. Most of my coworkers paid the fee in the amount required by the collections person. I didn't want to, so I didn't.

I've gone to these things in the past. I paid a couple of dollars for my share of the food [usually some chips, dips, a few liters of cola, and whatever hot plates people want to bring], and that was it. The collection person always asks for more money to buy the guest of honor some gift or other, but I'd rather not contribute to that. It's silly, but I don't like to give more money for the gift is becuase I was tricked the first time I gave. That was when the money person [who is still one of the same people that collect] told me that I hadn't given any money for food. I had given, but she said it was for the gift instead. I sort of felt like I was talking to some sort of collection agent and being told that I had only paid the interest on my loan instead of the principle. How could I avoid that? Don't take out another loan....

I went to work today expecting a fight with the money person about it and determined to avoid it. She didn't even look at me. I wonder why? Maybe she waited to see if I tried to attend the party without paying? That wouldn't have been right, and so I would not have been able to defend my position. Can't win? Don't fight.

Giving up easily is a strategy that I often use when I notice that an opposition coworker is a little too fixated on something they want or something they want me to do [usually, so they don't have to do it]. I just pretend to surrender whatever it is they want, but of course, I have no intention of actually giving them anything. Maybe I should just say "jerk" instead of "opposition coworker" or possibly "lazy bastard" or similar? I'm not talking about supervisors here... I'm talking about a coworker that has discovered the ability to shift his or her work off on anyone else so they don't have to do it. People will often give in to that because it's easier to go along rather than confront that person.  

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Dating again

And now 2-15-11 it's feast again. Strange that it works that way. I was so depressed last Saturday because I wasn't getting any responses, but now I have three on eHarmony and a couple on Cupid as well. I did change my profile a little to emphasize slightly differently and, possibly, under emphasize something that might be a character defect. I had previously said I don't get to know people very fast, and would like to just meet as friends initially. I took that [and one of my less flatterring pictures] out and then I started getting responses. Hmm. Might be a connection...

I wish I could exchange emails with just one at a time! I end up spending more time on emails and research than I like if there are too many. Research, of course, must be done to keep the conversation interesting and demonstrate that I'm interested enough to DO research. I've been keeping notes on the women I meet online. Nothing stalkery, just things like if they told me their favorite color or how I felt about the date and what their phone number is. That sort of thing. While I'm on the subject, I think stalking is a silly idea. I mean, seriously, she doesn't like you? There are plenty more! Go find another....

I wonder if I should group these posts by subject? Maybe I should just have one "dating" post and another for "school" and maybe one for "work"? I haven't done that yet becuase that doesn't seem to be the way these things work....

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Asberg, homework, scheduling, and dating

And here we are again... One of today's big deals is that I caught myself not wanting to leave the house this evening. I was going to visit Sonic and get a coney because I had one of those buy one, get one free deals, and I was standing by my door not wanting to leave. This is important because it's one of the asberger [asperger?] syndrome symptoms that my brother thinks we have. Or rather, he thinks he has it, and if I have also, that proves his point because maybe it's genetic or something. Anyway, it's him trying to justify something he's doing by sharing with me. Sharing is so typical of siblings. Hmmmm... do you have a sibling and could you picture him or her doing that?

In other news, the door guy said he tried to call me last night to say he couldn't come by today and replace my two broken [kicked in] doors because he got behind after the ice storm earlier this week. Apparently he's also a plumber, and today is Saturday, so there's a bunch of other things he needs [wants?] to do before fixing my door. I don't really mind rescheduling, and I didn't have anything planned for next Saturday yet in any case. I just wish he had contacted me to do it yesterday. I hate it when other people screw up my careful schedules. Well, I guess I should just say "schedules" because this wasn't very careful. I just wanted to get it over with so I could get the bill, scan it, and and send it to the insurance people so I can get reimbursed [or not].  I also have to get a replacement X-box and make a copy of THAT receipt. I already have a copy of the receipt for the replacement shotgun.

I got some of my Spanish homework done today, so at least I used the day productively. I hate to waste time... it's some sort of guilt thing with me for whatever reason. I nag myself into doing things and then I get a sense of relief after I check something off my to-do list. I wanted to check the doors off my list, but I have to wait at least until next Saturday for that. The homework was two pages [in Aerial 12 point] dealing with the history and culture of Spain. I got two pages. I just hope he didn't think I was going to do it in Spanish... It's Spanish I, after all, and he may have wanted to see the 12 of us students writing like non too bright 1st grades at school in Barcelona or something. That's another thing I hate. Looking like a non too bright 1st grader.

Dating is going badly at the moment. It's feast or famine, and this is famine right now. I signed up for a month of eHarmony and now I'm thinking I'll need at least 6 months to find the woman I want. That's what I'm doing, after all. I usually just say "I'm trying to meet people" but really I mean "I want to meet a special woman." I've been doing the online dating thing for awhile, so I know what to write to get dates. I just don't know what to do during the date to get ANOTHER date because I usually don't [get a second date]. They never tell me why they stop talking to me. It's like I said something stupid or showed up drunk or something, only, I don't do that. I'm thinking I'm just not complimentary enough.

I can't imagine not meeting a woman on-line. How else is it done? Friend of a friend worked for me and my [now] ex-wife, but that friend doesn't seem to know anyone else and the only other friend who introduced me to someone won't do it again [probably because his wife only knew one woman or possibly his wife is annoyed with me]. Should I start introducing myself to strangers? I'd hate it if a woman did that with me. Well, I'd hate it initially, and then I'd be OK about it only if she was a 10. Well, my first thought would be that she's trying to sell me something, but then I'd really like if she wasn't. You know about the number scale, right? I think of myself as a 7 or an 8, and so I'd like a woman that's an 8 or a 9, but would settle for a 6 or a 7. I'd hate being asked in public if the asker was a 5 or below.

 OK. 5 paragraphs is enough. I think I could "talk" forever, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

February 9th

Again, I have no real clue what all I want to write about. Chuck is leaving at the end of this month... I thought he never would. He always talked about it, and then didn't do it, much like several other people I know. I'm not referring to anyone currently reading this blog, of course!  :-)

It's not that I'm glad to see him go. I'll certainly miss our Halo games, and I've known Chuck for.... what? 10 years? I've been with the state about that long and I met him while I was still in Jackson.

Still working on various issues related to my unwelcome,door kicking guest[s] last month. I doubt I'll ever be really "done" with it, but it's amazing how much time it takes just to get a couple of doors fixed and figure out the value of the items that were stolen. Maybe I should just have told the insurance people what was taken and let them guess how much those thing were worth? At least I'd be done with that part of this process. The last time I dealt with an insurance company paying me was the time I got rear-ended in Colorado. I stopped at the bottom of the hill before merging with oncoming traffic and the SUV behind me didn't. I was driving a clunker at the time, and it was just as drivable after it got  hit, so I drove around looking for a body shop that would let me know how much my car had been worth. Most of them didn't want to help me, but one did, and so I knew the money I got for the accident [about $1200] was the right amount. It would have saved me some time not to checked around first, but of course I had no way to know that the insurance people were going to be fair about the whole thing.

I finally figured out how to turn off my wireless portion of my wireless router. It was SO much easier than I thought! I thought it was hard becuase, as usual with me and electronic devicss, I was trying to do something from the wrong menu.... As for why I needed that function turned off, well, I just needed the landline [or is that called the "hard wire?" or possibly "that yellow cable thing that goes from my modem to the router?"] and I don't like the idea of giving my neighbors free internet [using MY address! especially if they start donig something that could get me in trouble!], so that was high on my list of things to do right after I discovered I couldn't buy an non-wireless router. Well, not a Radio Shack, anyway. Maybe I should have tried eBay, but I just don't trust that yet.

Hiller guy came out and did the obligatory heat pump tune up thing. I have to have those every year that I want to keep my warranty active, and it seems a small price to pay to keep a $7000 system running smooth. Yeah, they talked me into one of the delux models, what with the tax rebate and it was time for me to get a new system anyway. Compressor motor is supposed to run forever, and I know my electric bills have gone down since it was installed. Not sure how much because I got distracted and haven't been keeping the right records....

Snow seems to have stopped. I think I got about an inch. I plan to ride the bus in tomorrow. I usually do, but even if I had considered the car this time, I would have had to think twice about how I was going to be able to get the car back up my hill. The hill was a great thing during the floods last Summer, but a pain in the neck when there's ice.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

February 6

I got up early today because I went to bed early last night. I never do that, but I was tired and it's the weekend, so why not? I wonder if most people would have went out and found a party to attend instead? That's the impression I always got from TV: the world is just FULL of extroverts, and nobody ever gets tired of being around other people. I always found that hard to live up to.

Working on putting a router on my computer. I haven't finished it yet becuase I'm worried about the built in wireless function. I can't turn it off and I don't need or want it. I think everyone must have gone wireless when I wasn't looking, but I prefer a physical connection between my devices [I guess I would say I prefer to be "wired"?] due to security issues and because I only have a couple of electronic devices that need internet connection. I'm not trying to run a printing / data processing / marketing company out of my house.

I have some Spanish homework to do. It's Spanish I, so I already know most or all of it, but it's school and I feel like I have to do my best. I almost stopped thinking that way with engineering in college. Freshman year was so EASY, and then sophmore year was more like what I expected, and then some of my junior year classes were so much harder. School work was no longer easy and I missed that from high school... maybe that's what I like most about my current spanish class. The work is easy.  

Superbowl party later at one of Chuck's friends' houses. I suppose he's my friend now as well [?], but I don't claim people as friends just because I've me them a few times. I'm not sure what all of the qualifications are [for me to say someone is a friend], but one of them is that I have to know that that person believes it. That means I usually wait for them to say it, but it could also be a decision made after enough time has passed and we've met enough times. I like to be accurate when describing my aquaintenances, so I refer to them as friends, friend of friends, coworkers, or associates.

I don't really care who wins the superbowl. I'm planning to go to the party because I'm not a very social person and therefore I force myself to do things like this [parties, school, volunteering, etc] as a kind of therapy or something. I'm not sure what that's called. I aware of my flaws and I do try to fix the ones I can.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Yeah, I know, I wasn't going to name these things by days. The thing is, I feel like this is going to be one of my general posts, so there's no reason not to give it a general title. I think it's better when I don't have a theme. More relaxing.

I get off early on Wednesdays so I got off the bus at Captain D's and had my usual 2 piece and then did the usual walk home thing. It's a mile.... I feel like I'm burning off more of the meal that way and therefore I'm closer to being healthy. I don't always go to D's on Wednesday, but now that I'm doing the school thing on Tuesday, I had to re-organize a bit. Tuesdays are extremely busy now, and sometimes I think I shouldn't even log on because I get home so late.

I think my cat is jealous of the time I spend on the computer. She stays in the room with me, and she was doing something earlier..... I forget what, but I remember thinking I should spend more time with her. Her name is Chuy and I got her from the Humane Association. She doesn't like other cats and ended up back at the Association when her previous humans moved. She might have been on sale when I got her... some of the cats were $10 instead of the usual $75. I picked her because she reminds me of my first cat.

Working on dating again. I find myself spending a ridiculous amount of time thinking about that. What am I doing wrong? What else can I try? What do I really want, anyway? The last one was actually harder to solve than I thought. Right now, I want an "occasional" girlfriend who'll give me space and of course I would do the same for her. We'd have lives apart from each other AND lives with each other. Maybe see each other once or twice a week. I think that probably sounds shallow, but it seems so ideal to me right now.

I find myself worrying about what I write in this thing due to identity theft issues. Not sure if I should do that, but I am a big believer in better safe than sorry.

I'm watching Watchman again while I exercise. I saw it in the theater when it came out. Unfortunately, I went with a friend from work, and he hated the whole male nudity thing. It's the way movies are going now. That's the new thing... I remember reading about the uproar when Gone with the Wind had "Damn." I can only shake my head and sigh.